I often remind couples to speak to each other as adults. This avoids defensive reactions. Even if we approach our partners as in a nurturing way we can sound like we are coming from a parenting role. Whether we speak as Nurturing Parent or a Critical Parent our partner is likely to respond from a Child prospective. That is not to say your partner is a Child, our parenting tone triggers a Child tone. No adult likes to feel like a Child. Children feel helpless, controlled, abandoned, and weak among 100s of other emotions. No one wants to be a parent to their partner or be parented by their partner. The best approach for communication is Adult to Adult. I recommend starting your comments with "I" and avoiding using "you" as much as possible. This can be a difficult adjustment because most of us did not witness this model. If you can do it 1 out of 10 times you are way ahead of the game. But, aim higher ( ;